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Part 12

Josh hopped out of the car and washed his hands from an outdoor tap before grabbing a load from the trunk. Lance slowly got out of the car also, and continued looking dazed as he helped. I ignored my erection and carried in the last load and placed it on the bar.

We were the only ones in the place. All of the others were still out and about, either searching for supplies, or having fun and getting into trouble. As I leaned for a moment against the bar I hear Lance whispering to Josh, I stopped breathing so I could listen.

“So Rick is into guys right? Yeah I thought so, I mean he’s still got wood now from when you, you know, in the back of the car with me.”

Josh said something so quiet I couldn’t make it out, then Lance answered.

“No, I think most of them would freak a bit at first, but once they got into it they would love it… Yeah, I’d do that, but I’d want to practice first, would you mind?”

Turning towards them I looked puzzled.

“What are you two up to?”

“Nothing,” Josh answered, “the two of us just need to, um, talk a bit about what happened in the car just before. Any chance we could get a bit of time alone to chat about it?”

“Well, I guess I’m allowed to break my own rules, tell you what. I’m going out to check on the other guys, see if I can find any of them. I’ll be back in a few hours OK?”

Both guys nodded their agreement and I wandered back to the car noticing that Josh was sprouting a hardon as I walked away and Lance was staring right at it. I was pretty sure there would be hot sweaty sex happening in there as soon as I started the car.

For the first time in several days I was alone. I drove into town, knowing that the only people there were a few young guys seeking food and fun, but I felt the need to go somewhere I knew there were supposed to be crowds. Parking in the middle of the main street I left the car and wandered aimlessly for several minutes until I found myself standing in the middle of the grassy area in front of the town hall. I looked at the square in front of me and the only movement there was drew my attention, a scrap of yellowing paper fluttering in the breeze.

I let myself cry. At first tears began to flow, then I began to sob until I let my legs collapse and I crumpled to the ground where I held my head in my hands and wept for nearly twenty minutes. I just let myself. There was no point in trying to control it, or even trying to disguise my pain.

When the crying stopped, I sat breathing heavily through my mouth, not even bothering to clear my nose or wipe away the tears. I was thinking of ways to kill myself. Several possibilities went through my mind, and I will quite willingly admit that it was certainly not the first time in my life that I had considered the options available to me. As a teenager growing up knowing that I was gay I had believed that I had plenty of excuses for contemplating suicide. Of course now I know that they were pretty bad reasons, but as a teen they were perfectly reasonable. Now though I was serious.

There was only one thing I could think of that stopped me from gassing myself in my car right then. That was the thought of letting down those young guys who had just put all of their trust in me only the night before. Besides, I had only just laid down a law against harming your self, it wouldn’t be a very good message if I went and killed myself the next day.

I blew the snot out of my nose onto the grass, wiped my face with my hands, and stood up. I looked around again – nothing new. Sucking in a deep breath I yelled at this fucked up world at the top of my lungs.

“Fuck you all! I’m gonna live damn it. Like it or not!”

I stood there taking deep breaths for a few moments, then heard running footsteps. Opening my eyes to the bright sunlight I saw three figures appearing around the corner and running toward me. Steve, they guy who had taken notes at the meeting led them and a couple of Alan’s crew followed.

“Are you OK? We heard yelling?”

I called out to Steve that I was fine.

“Just letting off some steam. How are you guys getting on?”

The three arrived in front of me, all of them puffing a little. One of the two guys I didn’t yet know answered.

“Well, we have found heaps of tinned food and shit, we grabbed a van and filled that up. We were just heading for a wander through some shops here in town when we heard you I guess.”

“Sounds good. Sorry, I don’t know your names guys, except Steve of course.”

“Andy” said the guy who had just spoken to me.

“Tony” said the other.

“Cool. So, what were you guys going to do for fun today? What sorts of shops were you going to wander through?”

All three appeared to redden slightly.

“Oh, you know…” said Andy, “adult shops and shit like that.”

“My god. You teens are all the fucking same! Sex sex sex! I don’t know! Oh well, come on guys, let’s go find you some good porn and toys and shit then shall we? But guys, please loose the clothes  - you all reek of sweat!”

Smiling all four of us walked purposefully towards the nearest adult shop and chatted inanely as I began to succeed in putting my suicidal thoughts away for the time being and the three guys tossed their T shirts and shorts on the ground.

Sex shops had always fascinated me. I went into my first one ever when I was 15. I had only heard about them before, and had no clue what I would find inside, but had pulled together all my cash anyway. A whole $23! I jumped on my pushbike and rode to the shop that was the furthest from home and spent 45 minutes walking around the area just preparing myself to go in. I watched the shop for another 20 minutes to make sure there was nobody I knew in there and finally plucked up the courage to go in.

As I walked in to the shop the first thing that struck me was how tatty and tacky everything was. The second thing was the amount of pink flesh on display. I did my best “I’m 18 and should be here” routine and tried to browse looking natural. The sweat began to pour from my armpits and down my back, while at the same time my dick was doing exactly what I had been instructing it not to do. I felt it hardening and pressing against my jeans. As I walked slowly down the shelves of DVDs I could already feel the moisture of the precum escaping rapidly.

Thinking that I would look less suspicious if I browsed a couple of magazines, I picked one from the shelf at random and flicked through the glossy pages. Purely by chance I picked up one of the only two gay magazines in the shop. I realized that I was looking at pictures of hard cocks and guys kissing passionately and then felt the unmistakable but very surprising sensation of an orgasm leaping to the point of no return. Standing dead still I pumped a large amount of cum into my already wet underwear. Catching my breath I put the magazine back on the rack and stood with my back to the counter willing my buzzing cock to shrink.

Realizing that I had already been spotted by the guy at the counter flicking through the gay magazine, I grabbed the other one on the rack and went to the counter to buy it. I thought that it would look less suspicious if I bought something. The guy probably didn’t even register that I existed other than going through the motions of taking the money and putting the magazine into a black plastic bag for me. As I left the shop I kept my head down and did my best to look invisible. I didn’t dare look at my crotch area until I was around the corner and unlocking my bike. There was a huge wet patch that could be nothing else. That fact in itself turned me on immensely. As it happened, I didn’t have those jeans washed for several months after that, and often wore them with no underwear, and several more times I added to the stains as well. My perverted life had begun in earnest!

Continue to part 13


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